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Attempt #__ at being profound…

He who dies with the most toys still dies.

That quote was spoken to me at youth-group the other night.

How unfortunately true it is.

No matter how lavishly I live, when I kick the bucket and am to be buried, I will not be able to feel even the most expensive silk dress upon my cold frame, or enjoy the beauty of the casket in which I’m placed.

So why bother living in such a way as to make my whole life’s goal to retire rich?

By then I’ll be too old to enjoy all the things I toiled so hard in my youth for…

Not that I’ll even be able to retire if I desire to claim teaching as a profession. (Looks like I’ll be working for 10 years to pay off the electric bill! Yikes!)

I have seen pictures of the tombs of pharos …I’m pretty sure all their stuff is now in a museum somewhere.

What a waste of space I will be if all I desire to do is make money and make my life less complicated. (Personally, I think money causes more complications… Just take a look at the tabloids—all the recent divorce cases seem to stumble over the division of the multi-billion dollar estates.)

[Here I would also like to make a concession. I have been fortunate enough to not know great need, and I understand that to many Americans as well as peoples in other parts of the world a few extra dollars would solve many problems. So, with that in mind, I implore all of my friends reading this today to share your blessings (whether it be time, money or other) with those who may not be as financially well endowed as you may be)—so check out some of my links, search online or ask a friend about local charities or organizations in your area that could use your help!]

We are living in a world where the Christmas toys children so earnestly desired have been unwrapped, admired for a famous total of 15 minutes, and then thrown in the toy chest to await the day when they will be declared “antiques” and worth more…

Don’t you see? The media (especially the consumer-driven media of America and other affluent European nations) is calling out to people like the sirens of the sea… Isn’t this pretty? Don’t you want it? Come and claim it for yourself! Take them; iPods, cars, implants, clothes, food…the list goes on. We have forgotten that the alluring sound of such temptations only lead to death.

Have you forgotten Faust? Surely not! Bargained his soul to the devil for all his earthy desires, only at the end to realize that all the possessions in the world cannot replace love… Sound at all familiar?

“But wait,” you say, “wasn’t Faust rescued and given a seat in Heaven?”

Yes…and the reality is that Heaven does not place a sign outside its gates “No Rich Persons Allowed.”

And yes, Jesus Christ said that it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of Heaven. (See the New Testament story of the Rich Young Ruler…) But by this, I believe that He means that those of us who have much feel we need little. We would much rather depend on our own resources, and we place so much confidence in our own ability to save ourselves that we have forgotten we are not capable of such a feat.

No earthly amount of money will ever be able to buy immortality.

It’s hard for us to concede we cannot, with our own resources, save ourselves from the inevitable last breath we shall one day take.

The band Switchfoot has so many beautiful songs that I believe speak volumes on this. Their lyrics are so potent, and capture so wonderfully the inadequacy of wealth and time to save our souls…

One songs stick out to me in particular, and if you get the chance to, check out the lyrics here:

“Gone” http://www.sing365.com/music/lyric.nsf/GonelyricsSwitchfoot/327166E7FD1F97B348256CE1002495D6

The last couple of strike me as so eloquently put:

We are not infinite
We are not permanent
Nothing is immediate
We are so confident in our accomplishments.
Look at our decadence.

 

 

Gone, like Frank Sinatra, like Elvis and his mom,
Like Al Pacino’s cash, nothing lasts in this life.
My High School dreams are gone,
my childhood streets are gone
Life is a day that doesn’t last for long.

 

Life is more than money, time was never money.
Time was never cash, life is still more than girls.
Life is more than hundred dollar bills and roto-tom fills.
Life is more than fame and rock and roll and thrills,
All the riches of the kings end up in wills
We’ve got information in the information age
but do we know what life is outside of our convenient Lexus cages?

 

She said he said live like no tomorrow
Every moment that we borrow brings us closer
to the God who’s not short of cash
Hey Bono, I’m glad you asked.
Life is still worth living, Life is still worth living.

“All the riches of the kings end up in wills.”

My only hope, in this life and in the next, is Jesus Christ.

When all is said and done, and when the walls of my comfortable million dollar estate come crumbling down, and I realize that life’s ambitions should not be focused on lying in the lap of luxury for all of my years, what is it that I have to live for?

Jesus Christ.

He will never be short of cash, and in Him I will want for nothing.

To Write Love On Her Arms

I’ve been listening to this really cool band as of late–Between the Trees. A couple of the guys in the band went to my highschool, and my sister has thier CD. They’ve been on the Warped Tour, and are fast becoming a well-known band.

Here is their video for “The Way She Feels” off of their album “The Story and the Song” check it out…

The Way She Feels Music Video

A few of their songs tell of the story of Rene, and the non-profit organization To Write Love On Her Arms. The organization was designed by some amazing people, and their story is one that will move and inspire you.If you have the time, visit either of their websites (where you can read the story for yourself)

MySpace: http://www.myspace.com/towriteloveonherarms/

Official webpage: http://twloha.com

The site sells T-shirts and other merchandise whose revenue goes to support those who struggle with depression, cutting, etc. You may have seen some of their shirts on bandmembers of such groups as Switchfoot, Paramore, Anberlin, Copeland, The Rocket Summer and many others…

Right now, TWLOHA is on the Warped Tour, where creator Jamie T speaks before music performances, offering hope and an alternative to their pain.

Stop the Bleeding. Rescue is Possible. Love is the Movement.

Watch a part of the story here:

The Story: To Write Love On Her Arms

To “Wasted Effort”…

The following is in response to a couple comments made on my last blog post “God is not great” :

Dear Wasted Effort,

I have read the Bible. And yes, religion–it is more than reasonable to say–came about as a result of man’s “hearing from God.” But is that not acknowledging that religion is still man-made?

And since when have Jews viewed Jesus as the Anti-Christ? I have had the priviledge to listen to a lecture from a Jewish Rabbi in my area, who answered questions on jews’ view of Jesus. To my understanding, to Jewish society Jesus is viewed as an upstanding Jewish man who died and was later declared divine by Christians.

There is a Jewish story of a man named Yeshu (the name Jesus in Arabic) who was a heretic (no mention of Yeshu being a self-proclaimed anti-Christ) who was stoned to death. There is no link or otherwise physical proof that connects Yeshu with Jesus. While I will admit that there may be certain Jews who do view him as the anti-Christ (I know of none personally, nor have I heard of them) it appears as though the majority of the Jewish population view him simply as a man, and not Messiah.

I understand that most people reading this book will be athiests (with a few exceptions). [And no, I am not stupid, I know what the word means.] So yes, I will concede that from an atheist’s point of view, “God Is Not Great” is an appropriate title. My mistake. (Although, if you read the comment I had left on the book’s myspace site, you will see that I told you to take my opinions or beliefs as you will, and only accept the fact that religion is man-made.)

Also–since when does America care about God? Last I heard, Americans are still cursing His name, murdering each other, idolizing material possessions, warring against people… (If we truely cared about what God wants, we would stick to a lifestyle more in-tune with the principles that are deemed to be reflexive of His character…)

Please, by all means, we are not a “Christian” nation… Let us take “In God We Trust” off our currency and “Under God” out of our national anthem. We do not trust Him at all.

John Hinckley Jr. shot and tried to kill former President Ronald Reagan all for Jodie Foster (in an attempt to win her esteem)…though last I heard, she denied any sort of involvement or wish for the attack.

There are a great many things man will do for someone, in someone’s name or because someone else is for or against something…

What’s your point?

All the technology (nano-machines and duplicating genes) or money in the world cannot buy immortality. (And please do not think I am assuming anything here about your belief in an afterlife or not)

Who’s blaming God? And for what?

If anyone did blame God for their own actions–Christian or non-Christian alike–they are a coward, and cannot accept the responsibility of what they themselves have done.

I’m curious to know specifically which church wrote the Bible? (And if they did write it, you think that they’d know what’s true and what’s false.)

But I think your question is better when understood more simply:

“How do Christians pick and choose what in the Bible is true and what is false?”

And here is where we get back to religion…theology…and what man decides for himself is true and false.

Honestly, I do not know exactly how one can decide (and I never said I did or could). There are, I will admit, certain things that are more black and white than other issues… But here is where I become less objective and divert to my own understanding of my faith.

You cannot deny me my faith in God. (To do so would be saying you believe in Absolute Truth… Do you?)

You cannot deny my story, and you cannot understand my specific beliefs and my reasoning.

All I wanted to say was that religion is man-made.

I do not have to proove God’s existence to you.

And I do not desire, nor need your “pride” in my continual belief.

Dementia? Maybe.

But it’s mine.

P.S. To Christopher Bohn:

I never said I understood the book… I said I desired to read it.

Are you speaking simply of Christian “religion” here now, or of all religion, because I know of a great many religions that exist without “God”…

I know lots on the history of the church and of Christianity–

When I spoke of the “love” that spread Christianity, I spoke simply of Jesus’ spreading of the gospel–not of man’s.

I am aware of the crusades and of the murders and yes, there are a great many other horrendous acts in the history of Christianity that can be named as well…

Am I really ignorant?

Or do you just not understand me?

To both of you, please understand that the following was written solely to defend what I have written, and I do not wish to cause offence to anyone in anyway.  I appreciate your honesty in sharing your opinion with me.  They have sparked my interest and have caused me to have to try and better myself in expanding my knowledge and understanding of questions and beliefs that others may have.  Thank you.

God Is Not Great

While wasting my youth away in front of my computer screen today, I came across a MySpace ad for a new book God Is Not Great: How Religion Poisons Everything by Christopher Hitchens.

It struck my curiosity, so I visited the site, plagued with the comments of those who would debate the virtue or vice of said title of the book.

My disclaimer today is that no, I have not yet read the book, (though I intend to) and I wish to niether promote nor condemn the book as the work of evil.

I do however, want to make a point that I feel has been greatly overlooked by a majority of today’s population (whether due to ignorance from a poor education, denial, or sheer stupidity).

GOD IS NOT RELIGION.

[GASP!] The very cornerstones of my worldview are crumbling beneath this horrendous acusation!! What do you mean God is not religion? Isn’t it His genesis, concieved of His very imagination??

No.

With great relief, I confess that religion is not Godbreathed.

The link for the book’s site is here: http://myspace.com/godisnotgreatbook

Back on MySpace, I continued to read the comments that the site’s members had posted. A very small number of them were actually direct criticism of the book and its contents. A large number of them were, however, posted there to “debate” the existence of God and the authenticity of Christianity itself. (On this, I’d like to comment: from what I have read in excerpts and quotations from the book, it does not appear to center specifically around Christianity, but all religions in which faith in a “god” or “gods” is present.)

I placed “debate” in quotations because I believe that there are a great number of people who debate without a prior knowledge on which they are speaking. I feel that the process of debate should not be argumentation for the sake of argumentation, but the discussion of opposing views, so as to promote understanding. (And I’m not saying that we should count “everything equal” and you’re entitled to your own oppinion, because I believe that there are certain things which are black and white… But I do believe in a respect for my fellow man, and I can understand that things others may view as sacred (whether I agree with them or not) should be treated with such a respect, and spoken of with a certain seriousness.
Back to my first point… God is not religion. Religion is not of God.

Okay, so what you’re saying is that God didn’t invent religion… So if he didn’t, who did?

The answer: Man.

Man designed religion.

And here I would like to take a direct quote about the text from the website (so you know I am not twisting words, the following excerpt can be found under the “About Me” section of the website’s page):

In the tradition of Bertrand Russell’s Why I Am Not a Christian and Sam Harris’s recent bestseller, The End of Faith, Christopher Hitchens makes the ultimate case against religion. With a close and erudite reading of the major religious texts, he documents the ways in which religion is a man-made wish, a cause of dangerous sexual repression, and a distortion of our origins in the cosmos. With eloquent clarity, Hitchens frames the argument for a more secular life based on science and reason, in which hell is replaced by the Hubble Telescope’s awesome view of the universe, and Moses and the burning bush give way to the beauty and symmetry of the double helix.

Again, for pin-pointing clarity:

“…he [Hitchens] documents the ways in which religion is a man-made wish…”

YES! My point exactly.

I do believe that English poet Alexander Pope described it perfectly when he said “To err is human…”

Religion, theology…they are man made.

This does not mean that I do not believe that certain aspects of the two are desireable, beautiful and should be held in esteem. I’d love to learn more about them. But I do want to acknowledge the fact that they are imperfect, and contain flaws, and that no theology, no religion-none-can ever fully capture the essence of God.

I implore you readers to not take my word for it…

Open up your dictionaries, your web browsers, and look up the definition of religion for yourselves.

For your convenience, I have linked Wikipedia’s definition here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Religion

In it, you will not find anything that can link God as the mastermind behind religion.

(If an atheist attributed religion as the work of God and not man, would he not himself be admitting that God exisits??)

I find it assuring that even a site such as Wikipedia, which is not always known for its acuracy, does not attribute God as the inventor of religious thought.

Religion is a communal belief in the sacred and the profane, the divine and the human.

Christianity, the belief in Christ as the Son of God, the Savior of the world, cites a relationship with Jesus as the basis of faith, of belief.

Too often people think of this as something that restricts and enslaves…

On the contrary!

Faith in Jesus Christ is not religion, faith in Jesus Christ is something that frees!

Now, the adherance to rules and guidelines then should be something that occurs as a result of a loving relationship–obedience–not because I should do it, but because it is something I want to do in order to please Christ.

Parents can testify to this: the rules that they set down for their children are not simply set down so as to enslave thier children, but to protect them and ensure that they live the best life possible.

(In all these comments of rules, I am speaking specifically of Chrisitianity)

With sadness, I will admit that there are those who undescerningly follow the rules not out of a reverence for Christ, but perhaps more simply out of a fear of Hell and justice (as opposed to a fear and respect of God’s power). The desire to stick to the “straight and narrow” act as blinders to truth.

This is where religion and theology overtake Christ’s love. Here is what society views as “Christ”… Not true belief, but blind rule-following. And I could take hours and tell you about the cries of so many for the media to stop misinterpreting things and for people to actually interact with believers who follow Christ and not just follow rules, but I will abstain.

Napoleon Bonaparte, I believe, was able to so clearly distinguish between the misconception and the reality of Christ…

Alexander, Caesar, Charlemagne and I myself have founded empires; but upon what do these creations of our genius depend? Upon force, Jesus alone founded His empire upon love; and to this very day millions would die for Him.

That is the real Christ. That is real belief, not religion. Jesus Christ does not want to force feed you religion. Jesus Christ wants to love.

Open the Bible up to the New Testament and see for yourslef…

Jesus spoke against the Pharisees’ twisting of rules. The original rules Christ had given were the Ten Commandments.

(And if you ask any Christian, any anthiest, any Jew or Muslim…and if they are being 100% honest with you (and with themselves) I highly doubt that any of them (myself included) can tell you that they have kept even these 10 small rules.)

Now here’s a thought: If being a Chrsitian was simply religion, and all you had to do to go to Heaven was follow these simple rules then humanity would have no hope at all for salvation.

True Christianity is not religion. It is a relationship founded upon an undeserved love that Christ has for His creation.

God does not give us justice, He gives us mercy (on this, I could speak volumes… perhaps later)

So, Mr. Hitchens, perhaps your novel would be more appropriate if titled “Man Is Not Great”. In this I could agree with you wholeheartedly.

Man has murdered his brother, declared war on his neighbor, robbed his friends and raped his sister…

But then, no–God is not great.

God is deserving of more than just greatness. He is more beautiful than all description, and far too marvelous for words…

happy early morning to you…

try to convince myself it might be a little late to still be up…on the computer no less. my sister is talking in her sleep. i’m listening to music, playing the quintessential role of the insomniac–plauged by a mind filled with thousands of unanswerable questions and random babble.

i love the early morning hours. particularly because they seem less inhabited–quieter, peaceful as the sleep that’s being had by everyone else but me.

these are the hours that play out like the soft plucking of guitar strings and whispering, raspy voices. i imagine a park bench, a light rain, with me enjoying nothing but cool breezes and the silence.

this evening i attended the “popcorn flick in the park” on park ave. they were showing Indiana Jones: Raiders of the Lost Ark. my cousin sasha had stopped by our house earlier that evening, joined us for my brother’s birthday dinner, and then drove me over their when she went to meet her friends. Noah, Andrew and I found a spot to sit, and were joined later by Jonathan, Leah and Charity. we hit up starbucks afterwards (as usual) and then headed home.

I realized that i have approximately 3 weeks left of my summer at home, and then I shall be returning to gainesville. i’m really excited to be back at UF and see everyone, but I am regretting leaving so many people behind that i know i shall miss terribly.

Perhaps one reason I really love the early morning hours is because time seems to go much slower… Oh how i wish i could slow things down, do things over, do more…

my brother turned 14 today. i explicitly remember 14 years ago. it means i have perhaps not noted just how fast life has gone by… it also means that in another 6 months i will be 20. scary thought. halfway to 40… a quarter of the way to 80.

if i was to wish for the slower pace that i feel the early morning hours hold, i believe that after a while, it too would seem to fast. i should slow it down more, but after a while grow uncontent yet again, until i had reduced my life to a snail’s pace–a frame-by-frame speed, attempting to let life’s experiences saturate my senses.

i’ve been reading A Picture of Dorian Gray recently, and am quite enjoying the commentary on particular outlining themes of youth. there is a point in the book when one of the characters declares that youth is all there is in the world (or that youth is the only thing worth having, only thing worth living for, really). i do not believe that is so–if it was, there would be no sense in anyone living past their childhood. Until i am the oldest person in the world, their is always someone older than me, and therefore i am always young (in comparison to someone).

although i do not believe youth is the only important thing in the world, i believe that much of the world belongs to youth… after all, we spend most of our lives “remembering when”, holding grudges of bygone eras, looking at photographs and memorabilia of ages past. we claim that “we believe the children are our future” and that the kids of today are the leaders of tomorrow.

(how ironic that the youth which we so fervently endorse we deny responsibility to, claiming that they are too young… as elementary students, we build clubs and secret hideouts in front of which we post notices for smaller siblings to keep out. as middle schoolers, our “childish” ways are quickly abandoned and alienated, marked as nothing more than the actions of babies. in high school, we would drop dead if we were caught backtracking to our past–instead forming diseases (senioritis) that indicate we are dying only to reach our future… and in college, we feign interest in years gone by, when in reality we are ready for the real world. Adulthood–though always reminding us to enjoy our youth while we have it–does no better, proclaiming to us that we lack wisdom and experience…)

…

…

…

how’d i get to such a tangent? i’ve lost myself…

finally a bit sleepy though. thank heaven. i’m going to bed.

29 sad songs and an evening at the lake with friends…

last night i had more fun than i’ve had in a while.

youthgroup had been cancelled for the night, so a group of us got together to hang out.

Leah, Lily, Nathan, Noah, Jonathan and I ended up at Starbucks on Park Ave to grab some coffee and walk through the park. We moved around the fountains, and trying not to disturb others, ended up at the bandstand. We just sat their and talked about things-some trivial, some a bit more complex-and i loved it. i love spending time with people like that.

Jonathan suggested driving down to a nearby lake. We got out and sat on a bench, and then eventually on the concrete wall at water’s edge. Nathan had brought his guitar, and both he and Jonathan played some songs while we sat around. We saw a gator…

I cannot quite say why, but i loved last night. Something about the stillness-the not needing to be anywhere, no agenda, sitting beneath the hot, sticky air, listening to the guys pick at the guitar. Aimless conversation, spending time with people I love. It was amazing.

Hopefully later this week we’ll all be able to hang out again.

On Sunday I’m supposed to leave for just under a week to act as a babysitter at a middle school camp. I’m watching the children of the camp’s co-director while their mom is working their. I’m looking forward to getting away and enjoying a change of pace.

On a sidenote, I have discovered that I own an approximate 29 sad songs.

I am listening to them right now.

They’re beautiful.

do i dissappoint you?

have you ever felt boring?

i mean honestly felt as if not one thing you say or do has any value to the people you so desperately care for, and whom you want to so desperately care for you? (and i don’t mean romatically, simply the friends…the ones who think the world of, who you’d walk the world over for just to make them smile…)

there have been countless times where i feel as if all eyes are on me, laughing at me, mocking my futile attempts to be loved.

how completely selfish it is of me to feel as if everyone’s thoughts are about me… it’s not that i’m so self-absorbed as much as it is that i am self-concious and insecure. for instance, there have been times when i’ve been walking down the street, and a couple other people past beging to laugh or whisper something to one another, and having no idea what they are speaking of, assume that it must be something negative about me.

and it’s not so much the strangers that bother me that it is the people i know. what i wouldn’t give to know what people really thought of me. it kills me sometimes to think that perhaps they’re really just pretending to like me to save my face. lately it’s been more that i feel so unintersting, uncultured, that i say stupid things and can’t contribute much to the friendship.

granted, it’s not the fault of my friends at all–it’s my own insecurity–deep down i know that they love me and care for me.

but when they laugh at something funny i said: is it really funny? Do they really admire me? Do they really want to spend time with me, or am i simply the only option for company that evening?

there are so many times when i think people don’t know how much i really care for them. i hate it.

i don’t want to buy their love in any way…

somedays i wish that there was a window right in front of my heart, that my deepest thoughts were completely open for the world to see; and all my feelings could be put into words and into books people could read.

and then they would know…yes then they would really love me, really understand me.

I think understanding is what i really long for. Most days i can hardly understand myself.

God does, but so often it serves as little comfort to me as He is on occasion untangible.

I want to scream from the top of tops of mountains “I AM DEEPER THAN POCKETS, DEEPER THAN OCEANS… I LOVE, AND AM DYING TO BE LOVED… I AM _________!!!”

what word would go in the blank space i hardly know…

what am I?

and i’m not even speaking of my most forefront identities–a child of God, a believer in Christ Jesus, a daughter, a sister, a scholar… perhaps it’s even the most trivial of things that i’d place there.

i’m tired of my own mystery.

i just want someone to understand me completly.

Dear God, in all honesty i want you… i want to feel understood. visibly, tangibly, COMPLETELY.

forget any sort of necessity for psychoanalysis–i just want someone to identify with me 100%.

i look at myself sometimes and i wish i was more of an adventure. i wish instead of sitting over coffee with a friend speaking of college classes and vacations or upcoming events i could look them in the eye and say “let’s cut all the small talk…”

i want to be an inspiration, i want to spark change, i want to be revolutionary.

it’s like this:

i am not your trendy coffee shop,

your hole-in-the-wall ideal

of ciggarrettes and jazz music,

beat-era poetry or Da Vinnci art

i may not be the sunrise,

or the sunset at the beach

the good novel, or star movie,

the up-and coming indie band–

but i want to be discovered…

in my mind it plays out so much better. what i say is understood.

instead it serves only as an unwritten language–perhaps key words are recognizable, but it just lies in a primarily tangled estate on the floor of my mind-of my soul.

to sum things up: i want to be poetic, but i want the poetry to be understandable.

i think i am asking for the impossible.

it’s been a while…

hello.

it’s been a while.

not that i’m really writing for any person or purpose–save my own–but i realized just how much i haven’t said and thought I should say so i don’t forget it.

I’ve just returned from a week long trip to New York with my family. It was a lot of fun. We did so much: saw Les Miserables on Broadway (oh wow am I in love with it!), went to the Statue of Liberty (and were then evacuated off the island), saw a concert, went to central park, Rockefeller Center, were on Goodmorning America, saw Piccasso and Van Gogh at the Guggenheim, walked on the Brooklyn Bridge, ate pizza, saw the NY skyline from the Empire State building, watched 4th of July fireworks from the FDR overpass…just to name a few of the things we did.

It is nice to be home though, back to what is familiar.

Oh…I almost forgot–this trip has brought a smile to my face with all of the random acts of kindness I encountered.

On the trip to New York, my family voluntarily got bumped from our old flight (to recieve extra travel vouchers, and to 1st class, no less!) so we were split up on the plane. I was sitting next to a man who was returning from a business trip, I beleive. When he heard me tell my dad that the plane’s audio wasn’t working, so i couldn’t listen to music, he pulled out his iPod and let me use it for the duration of the flight. I was quite amazed at his generosity. In New York my family became a bit disoriented the first day we rode the subway, but within an hours span, 4 different people took note of our plight and pointed out which train we needed to take, and where to go and how it all worked. On July 4th, waiting for the fireworks, it began to rain… A couple who had already moved over on the curb so we’d have a place to sit shared their umbrella with me so I wouldn’t be shivering in the rain. Separately, a few gentlemen saw my 3 siblings huddled together trying to keep dry, and having their own umbrellas, spared one for them. The woman next to my mother held her umbrella over my mother’s head as well. Having heard of the general “New York/tough guy” attitude, I was not expecting such acts of generosity and kindness… (I don’t know that I would have expected that much kindness from so many people to begin with). So thank you. I only hope that in my life i can demonstrate such goodwill towards others.

Besides the traveling to New York, my summer has not been seriously eventful. I’ve had some friends over for visits, met people for meals, coffee, movies, played ultimate frisbee, babysat, worked for a neighbor, volunteered with the youthgroup and visited the library over 7 times, read countless novels,watched an endless amount of movies and listened to what probably amounts to billions of songs.

I’m really looking forward to the fall semester at UF. Hopefully i’ll buckle down more on my studies… (keep fingers crossed) But I’m also really excited to be even more involved with FCA, CRU, RUF, swing, homeless council…EVERYTHING. Especially looking forward to friends…old and new.

Right now I sit at my computer listening to Switchfoot (what’s new?) and so here’s where i’ll transition from mindless banter and updates to my more philosophical/spiritual/thought provoking (at least to me) comments…

While in New York, I saw this quote written on the underside of a bridge on the way to the Zoo:

We will only conserve what we love. We will only love what we understand. We will understand what we are taught.

I loved that quote, because i believe it is so true. And not simply in an “let’s-all-be-earth-friendly-save-the-whales-don’t-hurt-the-ozone” way (which by the way, I feel compelled to mention is a noble cause–God created this earth and entrusted it to man, so should we not be good stewards of our charge?)… I loved that quote because I believe that we as humans are not taught enough–enough about our fellow man, about our world, ABOUT OUR OWN SELVES– so we do not love it the way we should, and instead of saving and protecting it, we let it go to waste.

We feed everything to the dogs.

We are captains of our own demise.

I lack a respect for so much in the world, i think–there is so much i have yet to fall in love with, so many people that i am not loving to the best of my ability… And while I may think that since I am not hating all of it (I am not opposed to it or do not view it in a negative light) I am therefore doing nothing wrong. It’s the same concept that a half-truth is not a lie…

But is it really?

If I do not love something, I do not understand it, and so I will not conserve it. I do not want this to happen. Because before I know it, I will have grown old (and hopefully wise), and realized that so much that I want to know and experience I no longer can, because i did not seize it when i had the chance… And now it is gone, just as is the sand after the waves.

We say the future of tomorrow rests on today’s youth. After all marketers are targeting the young people–with whom rests much of the buying power ($)… It is America’s youth who are called to “Rock the Vote” and to look towards what is to come. It is us who will be effected by global warming, by the national debt, by disease or the cures for disease…

I find it almost comical that so much is invested in the education of the young, but we so often do not care about it. And I become frightened when I see the education of my elders simply framed on the wall of their little cubicles at their office jobs.

The young long to be older and the old long to be younger. (In this, both youthful passion and exhuberance as well as the experience and wisdom of age is wasted.) We become nothing but shadows longing for what was or what will be… We spent our days in idle dreams and forget actions.

Life and Love and Why

Child, adult then die

all of your hoping and all of your searching

for what?

I have been convicted lately of my own wasted dreams. All my passion and pursuits become nothing but wisps in time, and I revert to avoiding the road less taken… Within this past month I’ve all of a sudden had these ideas for massive networks of non-profit and service oriented organizations, so as to broadcast en masse the causes of so many beautiful goals…

Instead of seriously pursuing any of them, I have let them turn to dust lying on shelves in the back of my mind.

Chalk it up to laziness…

I sit in my chair, just waiting to be discovered. Wating for Hollywood to find me, or for publishers to get ahold of my writing, for someone famous to take note of my efforts and skyrocket my career as a humanitarian, environmentalist, and general all-around-well-liked world changer.

I want to make a difference in the world, and for whatever reason I have this preconcieved notion that I need to be famous or rich or powerful or just expremely influencial to do it.

What happens instead is that I think I need to be famous, rich, powerful or influencial to do all this, and so instead of taking any actions to realize any dreams of making a difference in the world, I succumb to a life of nothing more than entertaining and being entertained.

She was born, grew up, lived a run-of-the-mill life, smiled, cried and died…

Picture, perfect, right?

I find it so perfectly ironic that nirvana’s song “Smells Like Teen Spirit” include lines that say such things as “Here we are now, entertain us” and “Oh well, whatever, nevermind”.<> To a good extent they are a most descriptive diagnosis of what plauges the mind of today’s youth. (Myself included.)

There is a cerain excerpt from the writing of Jack Kerouac that i love… It goes like this:

The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes “Awww!”

I want to be mad to live. I want to grab life in it’s fullness and smell its beauty, its richness. I want to appreciate what i am taught, and learn to love what i do not know… I want to conserve and I want to protect. I want to value life as I ought, and not as I do…

I want to stop wasting my passion, my dreams… I want to start spending them and investing them into that which deserves to be valued.

Old habits die hard, it takes new ones time to set in… I want to imprint my soul with the belief that I CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE no matter how small. I know that the random kindness which complete strangers demonstrated to me made a difference. And I need to accept the fact that though whatever difference I make may be small, it is not insignificant.

So c’mon c’mon let’s not be our parents

oh c’mon c’mon c’mon let’s follow this through

oh c’mon c’mon everything’s waiting…

Everything’s waiting.