no clean laundry…

tonight i wore a skirt as a shirt.

down to the last few clean pairs of socks and sofes… definitely need to work on that.

8 hours before work and counting. 7 hours left before i need to wake up, and yet again i find myself procrastinating.

in order to be productive, i need to first feel that homework/work in general is the only thing necessary at the moment. it must be that rush of (dare i say danger?) that causes me to decide, “okay, this can wait…i need an A in class…”

imogen heap is accompanying the sound of computer keys. Fight Club (which I haven’t seen) will wait until another day.

right now, life is good. almost all seems right with the world.

fresh wounds don’t sting any less, but newness and the passage of time are slowing bringing healing.

This past week was quite stressful and tiring, but the weekend was spent well, at an RUF fall conference amognst friends. we stayed at Orange Springs, just under an hours drive from Gainesville. I got a nice sunburn/tan, spent some time playing ultimate and on the lake swimming. When we got back, Delane and i took a couple long naps (hers-2 hours, mine-5!)

Ultimate frisbee has been AWESOME! a serious understatement, i do believe. I’ve been playing with some new friends (expert ultimate players) every monday night, for an average of 3 hours each night. Tuesdays, I’ve also been enjoying some pick-up ultimate with RUF after club meetings, and also participating in intramurals with FCA earlier on Tuesdays.

<>Needless to say, my legs are gone by Wednesday morning… I am not a gifted runner.

<>my weeks are becoming scheduled (though i still need to allot some time for homework) with ultimate monday, RUF tuesday, FCA wednesay, bible study Thursday, and homeless council and swing dancing friday. i wouldn’t have it any other way.

<>Hannah’s birthday is Friday, Juli’s is coming up at the end of the month, and Leah’s is within the first week and half of october.

I AM SOOO EXCITED!!!!

I just received a reply back from the Rietz Union Board at UF, and they were very impressed with my suggestion to have To Write Love On Her Arms come and speak at UF!!!!

They were checking with some number 2 people, and then I’ll be trying to meet with them next week to speak more about it. Essentially, it’s just a matter of selecting a date.

If all of this works out, I will be throwing my heart and soul into its promotion…

This weekend looks to be quite the adventure.

Delane’s good friend Hallie, and a bunch of the Orangewood crew are going to be coming up here for Hallie’s birthday and the Auburn vs. UF football game. We’re going to dinner Friday night and then going to see the Band Marino performance that evening. And saturday, Jonathan Spilman is coming up for the Auburn game! Sunday will perhaps include a trip to the lake… All in all, I am very much looking forward to the end of homework (or at least a suspension of work).

Perhaps something deep and philosophical later, I am a bit sleep-deprived at the moment…

Eidolon

Eidolon
By Sarah Madsen

He walks the catacombs,
unable to find a resting place
so many dead [listless]
In words stolen from stars
he is led–through a labyrinth
searching for a resolution–
for healing–
yet never like Lazarus to return…
Unable to find peace.
Skeletons in the cavity of the mind
leave unsettling fear
Darkness permeates all hope,
as if a worm in the dirt.
And with dawn’s sweetness
shrouded
his torment is a torrent
of wanting.

National Suicide Prevention Day

So though it’s already 1:37am my time, I just wanted to highlight September 10th:

National Suicide Prevention Day.

There are places in the world where suicide is the leading cause of death in people under the age of 15.

No one should ever feel that suicide is the only answer.

Stop the Bleeding.

Rescue is Possible.

Love is the Movement.

Get involved in your area… Love a friend, reach out…

Help make suicide history.

To Write Love On Her Arms

International Association For Suicide Prevention

By a sleep to say we end the heartache.

By a sleep to say we end the heartache
By Sarah Madsen

Crawling between earth and heaven,
scattered flowers ‘cross the floor
colour lonliness
with riddles and rhymes
incapable of her own distress.

Hey non nony nony
“to be or not to be”
Beauty made madness of the beast
none of us believed.

One woe doth tread
upon the other’s heel.
And will he not come again?

She looked into the water,
where the willows grow,
and plunged into Ophelia’s river
now lost, never recovered.
Know she did love you once.

death

i haven’t cried in a long time, but yesterday was an exception.

i received a telephone call from my mom, while tailgating before the UF vs. Troy football game.

she asked me where i was and what i was doing, and for a second i thought the family might have surprized me with a visit–but when there was a long pause on the other end of the line, i knew something was wrong.

saturday night, a neighbor and friend–Mr. Layson–was killed in a car accident. apparently, he was driving with a friend back from watching a football game. when he went to change the music on his iPod, he lost control of the vehicle and it flipped a few times before hitting a pole. He friend survived, but Mr. Layson did not.

I used to babysit for his family. He just had a baby in february, and his son Zed and Daughter Caroline are both younger than 8.

i’ve experienced death before, but never so suddenly. death is different when you feel that it’s expected, or have time to prepare for it.

when i heard this, i began to shaking and crying… i couldn’t believe what had happened.

just a few days before i had been talking about him with one of his former students. Mr. Layson taught history at Lake Highland Prep, a private school in Winter Park. I often met students from there who had been in his history class. Everyone who knew him loved him.

Mr. Layson was the FCA sponsor at Lake Highland, and since I worked with FCA at Winter Park, he would often talk to me about ideas or upcoming events and hopes he had for his FCA group. Every time I was over to babysit his kids, Mr. Layson would ask me how things were going with FCA (and also about my college application to UF, where he went to school).

nothing about death is natural. death is a product of sin–it is separation from everything that is life–separation from Christ. Donald Miller describes this idea so beautifully in Searching For God Knows What…

it is a comfort to know now that Mr. Layson is enjoying eternity, but heartwrenching to think that his family is for the time, separated from him physically.

thanks to all my friends who helped comfort me yesterday, I really appreciated it. if you all could please keep your family in your prayers, it would be greatly appreciated.

random

Tired.

Oh so very tired.

Perhaps this is part of being alive. tiredness, pain–feeling.

First week back to school was an explosion of stress. Double work shifts, homework and welcome week.

I’m looking forward to this semester, though I must admit, I shall be severly sleep-deprived by its end.

I’ve had the chance to meet some pretty cool people, and look forward to forming more/closer friendships as the year goes on.

I’ve played so much ultimate frisbee these past couple weeks. it’s been AMAZING! but i pushed myself a bit too hard the other night, and have some bad shin splints right about now.

Last night I went to RUF–i really missed it spring semester, but i’m hoping to get back there as often as i can this fall. Tonight is the first normal FCA, and i can’t wait!! Tomorrow night I start leading the women’s Bible study–nervous… I really want to do my best, not for myself, but for those who may have the opportunity to develop a deeper relationship with Christ (also that I may grow and learn from this opportunity as well!)

It’s only 5 in the afternoon and I am literally falling asleep at my keayboard. yikes.

I’m trying to see if the Reitz Union Board will get Jamie from To Write Love On Her Arms out here to UF to speak. I mentioned it to Aaron and I’m going to try and meet with the board soon and talk to them about it.

(p.s. if you have no idea what To Write Love On Her Arms is yet… have you ever talked to me??!! check them out here (NOW): To Write Love On Her Arms )

I’ve decided that I really want to take my elementary education major and use it working with non-profit organizations and missions work, whether abroad or here in the USA.

I’d really like to do missions here at home, because i think that so often people (Americans, really) neglect mission opportunities in the States because they don’t seem to yeild as much “fruit” or (sadly) because it seems like it would be a thankless job, and if they took the position they would not receive the affirmation and feedback they so desire.

Americans, it seems, don’t “need” God. They’ve got their suburban white-picket-fence houses, gigantic gas-guzzling SUVs, soccer moms and free soda refills. Woohoo the lives of Americans are complete!

i’ve decided that there really are a great many more things i am passionate about than i once expected. let me talk to you and tell you about them…

(not that i want to make anything about me…but sometimes just keeping my dreams, thoughts and ideas bottled up inside creates a tension that i’m sure will one day explode in a calvacade of mess. i need to talk about it, organize it…plan.)

so, goals for right now:

get through fall semester with as little stress and as many A’s as possible.

enjoy life.

change the world. (well that’s a given… right now i’ll settle with bringing TWLOHA to UF…from there who knows!)