Too much to go to sleep

This has to have been one of the most epic weeks.

Every single day this week I have spent amidst friends, communing in such a way as fills the spirit.
Football games, “family dinners,” midnight hikes, hot chocolate and 2am games of hearts, folk music & the smell of greasy cuban food, mid-afternoon lunch dates downtown, game nights, movies, graphic design studios, bean bags…

Granted, there is a great deal more to life than amusement. And I am in continual search of purpose. Christ, the ultimate purpose.

But in my friends, and in my contentment this week, I have seen God’s love for me.
I am at peace.

And yet at the same time I crave more–more of everything.
It’s hard to describe.
The closest I can get now is to quote Kerouac:

The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes “Awww!”

I’m too excited to sleep now. I don’t know why. There is this joy within me and I want it to spread like disease. I want to be mad…desirous of everything. I’m desirous of everything. I want to burn like wildfire and light up the night sky in explosion.

It may sound cheesy and naive and glass-half-full-or-overflowing, but it’s a feeling that comes after many a time of sackcloth and ashes.
Light is better recognized after darkness.

info-mercial hour musings

So it’s almost 2am, and even though I was half asleep a moment ago, I am now almost can’t go to sleep my mind is so alive with thoughts.

Last weekend was the Florida v. Georgia game–Delane’s dad had tickets that the two of us were able ot use. I caught a ride up with some friends from RUF. We hung out in the parking lot, throwing the football and visiting. James had packed some sandwiches, so we just ate there. I met up with Delane at the gate, though I wouldn’t have found her without my friend’s help–Jacksonville was packed! When we walked into the stadium I realized just how amazing our seats were: Delane and I were sitting on the 40 yard line, 3rd row, directly behind Tebow and the rest of the Gator football team!!

The game was wonderful. There were 4 little girls (all under the age of 10) sitting next to me that I would high-five after each touchdown. Afterwards I met back up with the rest of the group, and about 7 of us went back to Ben’s house in Orange Park and had dinner with his family. Being around a family makes me miss mine even more. I’ve not been able to visit home since early September. However, I am excited at the possibility of my family visiting Gainesville next weekend for the SC game!

The school week was very hectic, but it finally came to an end, and I found myself teeming with excitement for the weekend. Thursday afternoon I had to conduct a parent-mentor conference with the mother of a little girl I volunteer with at Pine Forrest community center (for which I have to write a 4-page paper and turn it in tomorrow before 5pm). Oh Fortuna had a concert that evening at the Orange and Brew on campus, and Leslie, Kate and I went to see them play. They were phenomenal (as was expected)!

Friday night I had a bunch of friends over to celebrate autumn. I asked everyone to bring canned goods to donate to the Bread of the Mighty Food Bank here in Gainesville. (The organization is part of the Second Harvest food bank and serves 5 local counties and was recently experiencing a shortage of canned goods.) I was so happy that people could make it out, and my friends all brought a lot of canned goods, so I can’t wait to take them down to the food bank. Friday night we played a huge game of apples to apples, and sipped hot cider around a fire pit out back (took me a while to get it going…I am definitely not scout material.)

Saturday Leslie and I slept in until around 11am. When I woke up, I went to sit out on my balcony, where the scent of smoke mingled with the crisp air. We had decided to go downtown to the Gainesville art festival in the afternoon, and then get some studying in (since I was to have an exam Monday…though it was postponed-yay!). Unfortunately, Leslie’s car wasn’t working, so after arranging for her brother to come up later on in the weekend and fix it, Caitlyn said she wouldn’t mind dropping us off downtown, and since Delane was already there, we wouldn’t have trouble getting a ride home.

The art festival was wonderful, the weather was wonderful… I woke up that morning smiling-joy was radiating through me. I hope it was evident.

After Leslie and I had visited all of the different art booths, we met up with Delane at Maude’s coffee to study. (I didn’t really study, actually…) Rob was there later to work, so we visited with him for a while before heading back to watch the Vandy v. UF game. By the time we got back to the apartment, Delane and Leslie had decided to just go to Bento’s and grab dinner, so I caught a ride with some friends to Craig Carter’s. When I got home after the game, I saw Delane’s car parked outside, and was elated to be able to visit with her longer. However, upon running upstairs, I learned that Delane’s car had fallen to the same fate as Leslie’s, and was now stranded in our parking lot. Delane had managed to get a ride back home from another friend.

Sunday morning I caught a ride with Taylor to the Family church. I spent the entire afternoon reading (Angela’s Ashed–This makes book 4 that I’m reading right now) and looking up random information on the internet-everything from the Grand Duchess Anastasia to the History of Faust to Camille Sait-Saens…

Later Sunday evening I went over to watch the movie “Once” with some friends. I loved it. Now I just need to get my hands on the soundtrack… Tomorrow (or today I should say) holds a lot for me, but I’m hoping stress won’t set in until Wednesday–Tuesday we have off for Veteran’s day and I cannot wait to spend it in the company of friends, and cut off from the reminder of responsibility.

It’s now 3:10am, I’ve written nothing of great significance, and I have just over 4 hours before I need to get up to head in to class. C’est la vie…

Right now there exists within my sleep-deprived frame an overwhelming sense of hope–it’s like a desire to walk down cobblestone streets, listening to jazz, coffee in hand and looking at the stars. I want to see my breath against the dark night sky and know I’m alive. I want to walk with a friend. Poetry will happen-our footsteps will become the meter to which our hearts pulsate and produce prose. There is a part of me that wants to tear from the confines of waking&sleeping hours and run across the prarie; become immersed in the organic flow of midnight.

But my eyelids are heavy, and my heart is full, and I think I’ll wait until morning.