new apartment…

August 4th heralded the singlemost anticipated day for me-a new apartment. All summer I had been looking forward to move-in, and while most of my expectations were met, I found that there were a few unwanted surprizes in store.

To my dismay, not only did boys live in the apartment before us, but one of them had a dog. So, after moving in all of my furniture, clothes and pictures I discovered we had fleas living with us.
As of this morning, I have counted 17 flea bites on my legs and feet. I’ve spent the duration of my stay in the new apartment with my feet on the coffee table so as not to sustain more bites. The upside of this would be that at least the Olympics are on, and I can watch Michael Phelps and fellow Olympians “smash” world record after world record.

The maintinence crew from our apartment complex stopped by earlier, and surmized that he would probably be spending the rest of the day in our apartment making repairs. Kate has just arrived with her parents, and is waiting to unload her things from the car, because the apartment may be sprayed in a little while, in which case we will have to vacate the place for 4 hours…

summer scribbles

i’ve been trying to write more this summer…yet the plethora of thoughts mixed together with “__________” has prevented me from fully expressing my passions in a torrent of words. Here are a couple musings; in all likelyhood desperate for revision, but nonetheless desirous of an audience:

Demographic
By Sarah Madsen

Flyers posted on bulletin boards
used to greet me as I walked into
Fine Arts B. Colored words heralding
meetings, concerts,
apartments for lease…
The only one I remember–
I think it was printed on green;
at the bottom, in bold type–
it said: “Free vegan snacks.”

No Words
By Sarah Madsen

My mind in Greek
speaks subtilties in subconcious
bable–backwards–
off the tongue
I cannot comprehend:
Residual thoughts
taste foreign
on the back of my mouth
longing for the day when
eyes lock, and the bearing of
souls is unspoken,
understood.

warranties

quite a while ago (a while, def. :what seems like eons, but is really only a matter of months) my laptop had an altercation with the ground. while listening to my iTunes on my computer, i fell asleep, and the laptop fell, jamming the plug of the headphones into the side pannel. upon discovering the gruesom wreckage in the morning, i lamented the discovery that my speakers no longer worked.
when i called Dell tech support, i was enlightened to the fact that no, my speakers weren’t broken, but i had damaged the motherboard…oops.
despite the four-year-extended-arm-and-a-leg-givemeyourfirstchild warranty i believed i had, the unfortunate “accident” was not covered.
as of late, i have discovered that my computer is occasionally inclined to work at almost its former glory, but only after it’s been in “sleep mode” and is then “awoken”. (i am, however, becoming slightly used to the quirks exhibited by my Dell. in another lifetime perhaps it would have been an uncooperative jukebox that would require a couple kicks before it would play a song. which reminds me-i really love jukeboxes.) so, right now, i am enjoying the rare gift of iTunes use, Youtube, etc. oh how i have missed my music!

library

i wish i had the life i lived on library shelves…
the stories breathed by balladeers
the adventures begot by those with pen and prose
the dreams

’cause dreams were all they gave for free to ugly duckling girls like me [Janis Ian]

this summer i have spent congrunet hours and afternoons at the winter park public library.
browsing shelf after shelf of Hemingway, Plath, Kerouac, Dostoevsky…

cognizant of my limited literary life when i’m off at school, i deigned this summer to be one of culture.
i placed upon myself the objective to read at least a book a week, in addition to listening to countless CDs and watching numerous movies. so far, i have upheld this goal.

at the end of the summer, i will publish a full list of the items i have read, listened to or watched-it is to time-consuming to do so at the moment, so i shall post-pone it…

with each book i read this summer, i desire to drown more and more into the pages that hold my eyes captive. the boldness of the characters and myriad of themes and adventures serve only as dreams to measure myself against.

to compartmentalize my mind, my soul, right now would be impossible. In the words of Thomas DeQuincy (who wrote a very interesting book i read entitled Confessions of an English Opium Eater) “My mind is Greek…”

oh to travel like Kerouac or Hemingway, for the passiveness of a character in a Jean-Luc Godard film, to quote a line like Ingird Bergman in Casablanca or to be a philosophier with Marcus Aurelius. i long to live with the passion of any heroine in an Austen novel, to live with the hope of a fitzgerald-green light at the end of a dock, or to sing with the soul of Coultrain’s jazz!

if only…

it’s past two in the morning and my heart cannot stop from beating faster and faster and faster still. i keep time with the music, to the melody that pulses through my veins, through by being.

science says that as we age our nose, ears and toes continue to grow. i believe that the heart must grow also. for how otherwise would it have room to hold all the additional dreams i have placed inside of it?

here’s to a summer of possiblity–sleepless nights with countless dreams, canvases of limitless color, and library shelves full…

productivity and promise

i’m sitting at Bourbon Street coffee with Delane. we’ve been here studying for a number of hours now. It’s been a fairly productive and enjoyable day. I took my Florida Teachers’ Certificate Exam this morning from 8am until 2:30pm. By grace I was able to wake up at 7:30am this morning, and the exam was a watered-down version of the FCAT.

last night was brilliant!! I went to an Oh Fortuna/Band Marino concert at the Reitz Union. It was a 3 + hours of pure unadultered indie-awesome music bliss. and then afterwards Delane and I hung around and talked with the band until about midnight. beautiful.

as this semester has come to a close, I am slowly emerging from my cocoon of darkness. I have yet to fully adjust myself to the bright light, but things look hopeful.

I’ve decided that this craziness i’ve been experiencing as of late is part of an obligatory pruning that I must go through–a preparation from the transition from winter to spring. with any luck, the flowers will be more colorful and even more abundant than in the past…

God has granted me grace. My math professor is working with me to ensure that I have the greatest possible chance of getting the grade I need. My friends have been a constant encouragement, and even the continual check-ups from my family haven’t been as annoying as they might have seemed in the past.

I’m praying I can pull through the next two weeks. With any luck, summer will pan out perfectly. I still need to figure out summer classes and possible jobs.

A definately area of my life that needs tweaking: taking things one at a time. Balancing acts on trapeeze wires become harder the more things you juggle.

As of next year, I shall be an English minor. It shall be my area of escape, my en gedi.

Poetry is coming to a close this year, and although I shall miss it terribly, I hope that the coming semesters afford even greater opportunity to improve my work!

…Right now there’s so much going through my brain and no filter or method for its organization, so for now, I will bid my writing adieu, and return when perhaps I have something interesting and less random to spout…

Easter

There are officially 5 minutes left in the calendar holiday of Easter.

Today has been beautiful–the lone ray of sunshine in an otherwise dreary season of my life.

There is much that I perhaps need to write in explination, but for now I will not expound.

With the pervasive and degrading individualism that is permeating our culture, I cannot help but to feel alone, abandoned…

My only solace is a simple cry which in centuries past was uttered as a plea for help:

Hosana!

Lord, save me!

And while my current state of being is a little less than okay, I find reassurance that ultimately, my final and eternal state of being has been secured with the blood of Christ, by His death, burial and resurrection.

Happy Easter

exceptionally

Today I am exceptionally happy.
The weather outside is beautiful, I have finished work, and class starts in another 45 minutes. I am sitting at the CSC re-typing a poem draft for my class, and remenicing on the events of this weekend.
Delane and I spent a good deal of time together, which was wonderful–we hung out with some friends Thursday night, slept in the next morning, went to dinner and watched Across the Universe Friday night before making a 3:30am donut run, and then Saturday evening hung out with Eric and a couple friends from his dorm. Sunday we went to the family church with Dana and grabbed lunch.
Friday evening dinner was also for the purpose of meeting with Leslie, a really sweet girl from RUF who is my backup (though i hate to say “backup”) roomate if Delane decides to live in the sorority house. (she finds out this afternoon if she gets in). After dinner, Leslie and I were going to go to the RUF scavenger hunt, but when we arrived, we realized that we had come at the wrong time (it has been mis-printed earlier) so we missed everyone. Deciding not to waste the time we had, we made up our own scavenger hunt and marched around the Reitz Union getting strangers to help us with our made-up activities. Six people sang us happy birthday, a stranger danced with me, we hid in trash cans, and made human pyramids with people we’ve never seen before. It was incredible. It’s amazing what people will do if you tell them it’s for a scavenger hunt.
Sunday afternoon, Dana, Britt and I met up with some other friends down at Devil’s Millhopper (a sinkhole in Gainesville) to enjoy the afternoon and go for a walk. It was really beautiful!!
Afterwards, Dana and I went back to Michael and Britt’s apartment and hung out there, exchanging music and playing halo after dinner. Delane joined us, and we all played video games (all of which I came in dead-last). But it was a lot of fun.
Overall a very relaxing weekend. Just what I needed before I begin preparing for projects and homework due this week. Thursday looks to be crazy, so hopefully I won’t procrastinate until Wednesday to finish work.
God has been incredibly faithful to me this week. Actually, the word “attentive” fits much better here… God is always faithful, but I feel that He has been especially so to me, and has recently been speaking to my heart. There is a peace that I’ve felt recently.
It’s a peace I cannot describe, but if I had to make a shot at it, I would simply say, it’s a peace like the spring–winter has ended, and I’m am slowly enjoying the melting snow and promise of new life.

Valentine’s day is around the corner–and this is not to really reflect on that in any way, to me it’s just another day–towards it I feel no disdain nor affection. But yesterday afternoon I saw a sign that said “John 3:16-the greatest Valentine”. And this is just to say, I feel that reducing Jesus to nothing but your “valentine” and other such cheap sayings, etc, is a great underestimation of what Jesus really is… We have whittled Jesus Christ down to nothing more than a figure for our over-emphasized/over-commercialized comsumerist holidays. Totally Lame.

In a world where the words “I love you” have lost their meaning entirely, calling Jesus our “valentine” means loosing significance in His message of love.

“Greater LOVE hath no one than this…that he would lay his life down for his friends…”

Think about it.

cold pizza and no sleep

well, here I sit at my desk, finally finished with exams, about to head into work…

i think right about now i need to prick my finger on a spindle’s needle and sleep for a few hundred years.

this week i pulled 3 all-nighters, 2 of them back to back with no sleep in between. there were some moments this week i seriously thought i was going to fall over/start hallucinating/fall asleep and miss an exam.

now that finals are done with i can only hope i pass this semester and maintain my scholarship…because that could be in serious jeopardy. i’ll just have to wait and see. This semester has been a little rough academic wise.

a lot on my mind, and a lot more to do, but right now all i want is my pillow.

i need to start apartment hunting.
i need to see if someone will sublease from me in the summer.
i haven’t gone Christmas shopping.
rent will be due the 1st of the month.
want to visit friends when i get home in the few weeks that i have.
need to get outdoors more.

my list can go on and on.

i was channel surfing last night and came across this bizzare movie, of which i only watched one scene, but it had the best quote… this skeleton guy (weird, i know) looks at this girl and says “with all the wonders of the world man has still managed to invent boredom…”
that thought hit me hard, and so now i have sworn to myself that I will never again say i am bored (i guess you can call it an early New Year’s resolution…though I hardly keep those, despite all my efforts…)

oh, i’ve also decided to boycott Best Buy this year. not like i really go there a lot anyways, but their Christmas commercials this year are making me sick…

Especially the one with the little girl, talking about how her parents are so lame, and they won’t let her get a bellybutton ring…and in mid sentence, she peers out the window, notices the Best Buy boxes, and retracts her previous statements, now claiming that her parents are the best parents ever.
WOW.
And they say you can’t buy love…
seriously, how much more pathetic can you get?

many of their other commercials this year also have me perturbed as well…

Christmas and commercialism are another post that will take me entirely too long, and i have to leave for work…but it’s something that’s seriously bothering me and making me wish i was in control of the media and big business…

ugh.

and all’s right with my world…

and in this crazy existence, my little bubble of a life is back to an illusion of normality.
my Facebook and e-mail accounts were hacked into. I shut down my online banking. I managed to call Yahoo and boot the hacker off. [insert sigh of relief here].
Thank you to all of those who kept me in your prayers as I tried to deal with that fiasco…
I have now regained the appearance of control…
as I thought about the possibility of “identity theft” i was encouraged to realize that the most important identity i possess can never be stolen from me…
ok, so it might seem like a corny and “cliche” moment to speak of deeper meanings and existences…
(yeah, sarah, you’re being a little lame… it was just e-mail and facebook you lost temporarily… you shouldn’t be spending so much time on them in the first place…)
but in all seriousness–the greatest identity anyone could ever possess can never be stolen.
no matter how cunning or deceptive the thief.

now that calls for a sigh of relief!

in other matters… i slept through my statistics lab today. first time i slept through it. i actually didn’t sleep through it. i woke up at 8:30am-right as it started. salt in the wound right there… i wake up early enough to realize class is starting, yet i can’t make it because the TA locks the doors 5 minutes after it starts. plus… i can no longer go back to sleep. ugh.

last weekend was quite an adventure-Delane’s friend Hallie was in town for her birthday, the Band Marino concert, the UF game, Jonathan and Aaron Moore were both here. UF lost to Auburn (hey–we’re still the SEC and National champions!)…
this weekend promises to be a bit more relaxing… thank goodness!
Delane is up at LSU for the away game… (and in a sidenote–she has to be one of the most thoughtful and sweetest people in the world–realizing the stress i was in with the whole “hacker” business, she wanted to do something to make my day better. she noted that i had laundry to do (a lot at that) and she took it to the cleaners for me! she’s wonderful! i’m so blessed!)

Leah’s birthday is coming up… I have no idea what to get her…. Hannah loved the dress i sent her… makes my day.

still working on TWLOHA up here at UF. going to meet with the Reitz Union Board hopefully next week!
sigh…
my long Friday was shortened with the missing of class…but now i have to head to work, and then to my afternoon classes.

have a wonderful weekend reader.

p.s. i had a nice conversation with a regular volunteer at the Radio Reading Service. He mentioned that he was a retired publisher, at which I told him my dream of having a book of poetry published within one year of graduating. He warned me as to how difficult my goal actually was, gave me the name of a book every hopefully “author” should read, and told me to never give up.
I don’t intend to.

no clean laundry…

tonight i wore a skirt as a shirt.

down to the last few clean pairs of socks and sofes… definitely need to work on that.

8 hours before work and counting. 7 hours left before i need to wake up, and yet again i find myself procrastinating.

in order to be productive, i need to first feel that homework/work in general is the only thing necessary at the moment. it must be that rush of (dare i say danger?) that causes me to decide, “okay, this can wait…i need an A in class…”

imogen heap is accompanying the sound of computer keys. Fight Club (which I haven’t seen) will wait until another day.

right now, life is good. almost all seems right with the world.

fresh wounds don’t sting any less, but newness and the passage of time are slowing bringing healing.

This past week was quite stressful and tiring, but the weekend was spent well, at an RUF fall conference amognst friends. we stayed at Orange Springs, just under an hours drive from Gainesville. I got a nice sunburn/tan, spent some time playing ultimate and on the lake swimming. When we got back, Delane and i took a couple long naps (hers-2 hours, mine-5!)

Ultimate frisbee has been AWESOME! a serious understatement, i do believe. I’ve been playing with some new friends (expert ultimate players) every monday night, for an average of 3 hours each night. Tuesdays, I’ve also been enjoying some pick-up ultimate with RUF after club meetings, and also participating in intramurals with FCA earlier on Tuesdays.

<>Needless to say, my legs are gone by Wednesday morning… I am not a gifted runner.

<>my weeks are becoming scheduled (though i still need to allot some time for homework) with ultimate monday, RUF tuesday, FCA wednesay, bible study Thursday, and homeless council and swing dancing friday. i wouldn’t have it any other way.

<>Hannah’s birthday is Friday, Juli’s is coming up at the end of the month, and Leah’s is within the first week and half of october.

I AM SOOO EXCITED!!!!

I just received a reply back from the Rietz Union Board at UF, and they were very impressed with my suggestion to have To Write Love On Her Arms come and speak at UF!!!!

They were checking with some number 2 people, and then I’ll be trying to meet with them next week to speak more about it. Essentially, it’s just a matter of selecting a date.

If all of this works out, I will be throwing my heart and soul into its promotion…

This weekend looks to be quite the adventure.

Delane’s good friend Hallie, and a bunch of the Orangewood crew are going to be coming up here for Hallie’s birthday and the Auburn vs. UF football game. We’re going to dinner Friday night and then going to see the Band Marino performance that evening. And saturday, Jonathan Spilman is coming up for the Auburn game! Sunday will perhaps include a trip to the lake… All in all, I am very much looking forward to the end of homework (or at least a suspension of work).

Perhaps something deep and philosophical later, I am a bit sleep-deprived at the moment…